monday's suck.

Schools boring and pointless. I think I'm going to drop out soon.
Sometimes, I wonder how Sodapop can love life as much as he does when we've got it so bad. I kinda admire him a bit i guess. he just always puts the bad shit aside and looks on the bright side. seriously, i dont know how he does it. everywhere i look theres just more crap and bad things. i just can't explain it.

I thought i'd give church a try. i went and sat in the back. that fuck'n preist made me want to rip my god damn eyes out. he was going on about how God loves us all and shit. if god loves us all why am i shit poor with a dick father and no mom? why did there Curtis' parents die? why does Johnny get stuck with fucked parents when he's undenibly sweet? or does god only love people with money? what a douche. i left when they started singing for the 50th time.
ps. sorry if I happen to have offended anyone.
I just looked across the room and saw Steve with his intestins wrapped around his throat hanging him from the ceiling. I'm trying to shake the image from my mind, and i think i keep hearing the front door creaking open when it isnt. the thoughts are usualy easier to ignor when i'm with someone, but i'm all alone as it is. which is bad because i keep dewelling on it and more thoughts come and kinda stick in my head. one time when i was all alone i kept seeing clowns in the mirrors and i went to my bed and hid under the blanket listening to music trying to get to sleep. I can't believe I'm actualy going to willingly post this.

I'm off.
Carson