pain

it wasn't the pain. maybe seeing myself bleed. whatever it was, i barely had enough will power to stop.
i was sitting around fiddling with my blade. making sure it was extra sharp. i accidently sliced my finger. i didn't feel anything, just watched the trinkle of blood flow down to my knuckle. i began thinking about what those sad bitches feel when they cut themselves. they obviously like it or just want attention. i was trying to keep it out of my mind, but all my thoughts always came back to it. eventualy i took a quick slice over my right leg just below my knee. the sharp pain only 2 seconds, then the blood came out. i did it again, slower, deeper. then again. and again. until 14. i kept telling myself it was wrong and stupid. it didnt feel good, and the pain lasted longer with every slice. but i couldnt stop myself. after ten minutes of watching myself bleed, i whipped my leg clean with toilet paper and flushed it down the toilet. i put on pajama pants and sat in my room. i can't believe i was that stupid to do it. everytime i glance down i have the urge to do it again. but i keep myself from doing it. my pants are stained and i put them in the dark corrners of my closet afraid someone will see. guess i'm not wearing shorts for awhile.