What day is it? And in what month? I'm loosing track of time. I'm tired. I really am. I'm tired of this. This whole 'meet a guy, fall stupid, be stupid' uhg.
I met this guy Travis our second day here. I've been hanging out with him when I'm not being drowned by Blair (a.k.a. When she's with this Jacob fellow.)
Travis is a really great guy. He's really sweet, but he's also kinda cocky. But he can make me laugh and is kinda dumb. It's adorable.. He'll say sweet things but then 2 seconds later hes back to being cocky.. I dunno. He makes me feel funny. I didn't really feel that with Seth. When I think about Travis (which is a lot. haha.) I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I see him smile, something inside of me gets depressed. A very small part mind you, because the rest of me is busy being stupid and happy. But I always notice the depressed bit.. It's like.. I dunno.. He depresses me and I don't know why because at the same time, he makes me so happy.
He says he really likes me, but I don't believe him fully for unknown reasons. Probably Seth.. oh well, Travis is so much better. He treats me like a real person, unlike how Seth put me up on a pedistol like a princess. It sounds dumb because most girls like that, but I don't. I've realized I like my space from a guy. When I think back on it, I felt suffocated by Seth. Not from Travis, he's like a best friend, but more.. I don't know. I refuse to love him just yet though. I really really like him..
Boy's make me feel dumb all together. haha. Why can't they just leave my emotions alone and let me find myself before falling for them? Sigh.. I might just be in Stupid again. not in love, in Stupid.
I don't think "love" exists. Besides sibling and parental love, theres no other love. "Soul mates" ? They aren't the person you fall in "love" with, their the person who'll always be there for you, the one you've known forever. The one that if you didn't have them, you'd be nothing. My soul mate is Blair. If she wasn't here, I wouldn't be me. If she were to leave, I'd die. Without her I am nothing. She'll always be there for me no matter what, and I'l always be there for her. Beside Blair, my siblings are the gang. There not really my blood, besides Steve-o, but they'll always be there to cheer me up or whatever. And I'll always stand by them, even if their wrong, I'll bitch out and punch whoever I need to to keep my sisters/brothers safe/happy.
I "love" you guys :]
From Carson, with love :D.
7 comments:
Despite how u said there is no real love, and "i;ll bitch out and punch whoever" i feel like saying AWWWWWWW excuse my uh..........aweness?
well im happy that your happy with travis :D
Love is a tiny little annoying thing that no matter how hard I try I can't ever explain it. Which only gets on my nerves because I hate when I can't explain something. Makes me feel stupid.
But love is weird, and like someone somewhere said: And we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them, fall in mutual weirdness, and for lack of a better word, we call it love.
Aaaaaaw. Love you too!
P.S. I want to meet Travis!!!
i love that you write a big 'ol post about there being no such thing as love then sign it "carson with love"
haha I know right? :]
I need to meet this kid...he sounds okay for the most part :D
i couldnt agree more car. love is a fake thing that some dip shit made up to keep thier boyfriends/girlfriends from cheating on eachother. its non existant and is just a fragment of the human imagination :).
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