happiness

It's weird. I'm not afraid. I thought I would be, not seeing the gang everyday, not being comferted by normal life. The only thing I'm afraid of is Pony's problem with Sherri, and.. well not really anything. Pretty just what the gang's going through in their lives.
But now I don't need to worry about the Socs when I walk alone. Not my father when I'm home late or when he's drunk. I should be afraid of other gangs, being mugged, sleeping in dark alleys, or being found by the cops and sent home or put in a orphanage somewhere. But I'm not scared. I'm happy. Waking up full of adrenaline, excited of what I'm going to see that day.
Seth says he can see a little more life in me everyday. We've also become a lot closer. I don't want to come home. But I know I will eventually. Just not yet. I'm going to live a little more. I'll come back for Soda's wedding, to help Blair with her baby's nursery, and whenever the gang needs me, like absolutly needs me.

I can't picture my life without Seth anymore. I'm going to marry that boy some day. I love him so much, and he loves me. He acctually took me into one of New York's most expencive jewlary stores, pointed out the most beautiful ring I've ever seen, and told me he'd put it on my finger one day. I asked him how he knew that would be the one I liked best, he simply shruged and said "I just did".
He makes me so happy. I don't think I've been this happy, ever, in my life. Sure, those sleepovers with Blair when we were 8 and laughed uncontroably about nothing in general where some of the best moments in my life, but nothing amounts to the happiness I've been feeling lately. Like Seth put it, I'm alive a little more everyday. This trip away from home is exactly what I need.

Carson