awake

The ceiling was white. The first thing I saw. White. Everything was silent for a moment. But that moment felt so long. It could've been hours for all I know. As my vision became less burly, I realized there were sounds. Lots of sounds. At first my mind couldn't figure out what it was. But then it became clearer. Beeping. Soft and loud footsteps. Voices. Some close, some far. Some were familiar, but others I had no idea. My head was throbbing pretty bad too. I could hear my heartbeat. The beeping matched it. It took a while for me to figure out what these things where, but I did it.
I was laying down on something soft, yet uncomterble. You guessed it, hospital bed. There was something stuck up my nose; breathing tubes.
After laying there for a while I heard a mumble. I think it said my name. But I couldn't really be sure because, to be honest, I couldn't remember my name at that point. But it sounded familiar. Something inside me ached for the mumble to come back, but all I got was a snort-ish sound, or a snore. I can't remember.
I looked away from the white ceiling. And there was.. a very dull hospital room. Things where making more sence. But I still can't remember what happened. The mumble came back. But this time it was louder and more clear. A voice. A familiar voice. "-----------you-----? can-------?"
That's all I remember the voice saying. Or that's all I got from it. I really don't know. I'm so confused right now. All I remember is those two words, and it was high pitched. Definatly a girl.

Everything after that is blank.

Then I saw the white ceiling again. Things made more sence this time around. Seth was mumbling by my bed, holding my hand. It took a moment, and I had some serious pins and needles, but I finaly managed to hold his hand. He looked at me then. He looked so hopeful. And sleepy. He needed to shave, to. How long has it been?
"hey" I forced myself to say. My voice sounded dry and weak. He smiled. Dispite how crappy he looked right then, it was beautiful. I felt myself smile back. He looked so happy.
The rest of the gang was there to, surpizingly. That bit was confusing. I put aside all questions and just went along with their happiness. My chest really hurts. So I just layed down the whole time. Excepte when I had to hug people. They wouldn't stop with the hugs! I love hugs and all, but seriously guys!
Blair was the one who I wanted hugs from the most though. I know she was pissed about me leaving because we had so many plans of seeing the world, doing all these things together. I feel bad, but when I saw her face to see me awake it felt so good. I knew she was cool with it for that moment. When I held out my arms for a hug, she accepted without hesitation. I whispered "I missed you and love you, you know that right?" and she smiled ever so slightly and said "I'm going to kill you if you scare me like that again, you know that right?" I laughed slightly and nodded. No one heard our little conversation but us.

I had to talk to the doc to. He said I need to stay for another night. But all I really care about right now is not eatting weird hospital food. I can't wait to get out, but I also want to stay. It's nice for once that everyone cared about my well-being. Weird, but nice. Nice weird :)
My fingers are numb and it's acctually taking me a very long time to write this. But I like writing things down, it helps me make more sence of what I'm thinking. Everyone's eatting or sleeping, I guess they had a long trip. Haha it's kinda funny seeing everyone curled up in plastic chairs together, or sitting on the floor stuffing down nasty food (Two-bit.)

Anyway, thanks for being there everyone :) I'm going to take a nap because I'm so tired.
love you all,
Carson